It’s okay not to be okay

I think that we are all being a little hard on ourselves during lockdown, I know that I am.
The feeling that we need to constantly be doing something, whether it be having that mass clean out of the spare bedroom, de-cluttering the wardrobes and drawers, long forgotten DIY projects and decorating, exercising like utter lunatics with Joe Wicks… why can we not just give ourselves a break?
For me it’s because I know that my husband is still going out to work everyday, that’s he’s tired when he comes home, that he looks forward to the weekend – where as I am proud of myself if I manage to stack the dishwasher correctly and maybe do a bit of hoovering.
I’m currently on furlough so cannot do any of the duties that I would normally be doing during the week, and so I feel guilty if I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished something mammoth while my husband is out working.
I feel crappy if I don’t have anything interesting to tell my husband when he gets in, other than how cheesy the Channel 5 afternoon movie was or how many chapters I got written today.
I know that I shouldn’t feel this way, he doesn’t expect me to, he’s not bothered if I lounge around in my jim jams all day, but I weirdly am.
I can’t help that I’m furloughed, I didn’t create Corona Virus, and yet I feel bad if I have an ‘off’ day. Why should I have an ‘off’ day when he’s out there grafting, when everyone else is working hard?
Well I’ll tell you…
Because I’m not a robot, devoid of all human emotion – that’s why!
I am 100% an introvert, everybody that knows me knows that – but that doesn’t mean that I want to spend my days feeling like a housebound zombie – I want to be free.
Alas, that is not going to happen anytime soon, so I just have to make the best of my situation like so many others are doing, and I accept that I will have ‘off’ days, I will have days where I’m sick and tired of talking to Henry the vacuum cleaner, and I will have days where I have nothing shiny and exciting to add to Facebook or Instagram.
I accept that I don’t always have to be doing ‘something’ – there will be time enough for that when we are released.
And I accept that I am going to miss these days where bras are not a daily requirement.
So what if you want to sleep in, lounge on the sofa, forget about makeup and posting attractive selfies, have a little cry, feel sorry for yourself and do absolutely bugger all- so long as you make sure you do some stuff to stop the madness I think you’ll be okay.


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