I did some exercise today,
And I just really want to say,
I hurt like hell and that is that,
There’ll be no pain if I stay fat.
One million star jumps in my Nikes,
Wish I could say I felt alright.
Me and lycra do not mix,
In fact I do feel rather sick.
My boobs just bounce out of control,
Taking off with a mind of their own.
I tried to squash the buggers in,
Oh what I’ll do to be stick thin.
I’m hurting in some weird places,
Making lots of bizarre faces.
My butt cheeks ache, as do my thighs,
Arms feel stretched, I want to cry.
Damn that bloody trampoline,
Screw this passion to be lean.
I’ll stay round, it’s way more funky,
Now pass on over that Kit Kat Chunky.

Emma L Beal