Exercise #1

I did some exercise today,
And I just really want to say,
I hurt like hell and that is that,
There’ll be no pain if I stay fat.
One million star jumps in my Nikes,
Wish I could say I felt alright.
Me and lycra do not mix,
In fact I do feel rather sick.
My boobs just bounce out of control,
Taking off with a mind of their own.
I tried to squash the buggers in,
Oh what I’ll do to be stick thin.
I’m hurting in some weird places,
Making lots of bizarre faces.
My butt cheeks ache, as do my thighs,
Arms feel stretched, I want to cry.
Damn that bloody trampoline,
Screw this passion to be lean.
I’ll stay round, it’s way more funky,
Now pass on over that Kit Kat Chunky.

Emma L Beal

Tier 3 for Christmas

So it looks like Leeds will be staying in Tier 3 for Christmas – yikes!
As we are already in this tier, I am not 100% sure what the actual changes are in regards to Christmas and family, but it looks like it is going to be a quiet one this year.
My husband, Paul, is super happy to learn that the barbers will be opening again – which is sad for me, I quite enjoyed being Bealy Todd, The Demoness Barber of Morley!
In regards to gifts, I am not sure how we are to hand out our presents to the family in a safe way – but I’m sure that we will think of something.

I wonder when we will be out of all of this?
When can we ditch the masks and stop giving the beady eye to our fellow humans if they stand too close to us?
When will people stop stockpiling loo roll?
When will we see mouths moving again during a conversation?
What will we do with all of the re-usable masks that we’ve bought?
How long will it take for people that stockpiled Andrex and hand sanitizer, to actually use all of it?
Will people carry on washing their hands properly – PLEASE SAY YES!, or will the shops see a dramatic fall in soap sales? Seriously!

When this is over, will we appreciate our freedom more?
Seeing our family and friends?
Will we appreciate the little things more?
The ability to just walk into a shop and not queue for a lifetime?
Not be scared to touch things when out shopping?
Being able to go for trips to the seaside again?
Not walking in the road to avoid people?
Will we still rely on home delivery as much?

I suppose with Christmas being a quiet one, I really have no excuse not to finish my next book – Asylum. So I best get on with it!

Speak soon,
Em x








Tiffany is on Instagram!

I absolutely love my Martini sipping character, Tiffany Delamarre from my Deliciously Deceased – Winging It – Series, so much so, that I have made her into a physical character!
I am also crazy about Barbie, so this particular one seemed the perfect choice, and I think she’s a pretty good match.
I have lots of plans for our rather annoying yet wonderful Tiff, so please check out her Instagram page – link below, to see what she’s getting up to, and also to see excerpts from the books 🙂


Book cover re-vamp

I decided to re-vamp Tiff and bring back her original covers.
I absolutely love these ones. 🙂
If you have these books on your Kindle, the images will automatically update within a week or so. 🙂* Book 5 (the final one in the series) is under way *